Happy Birthday to me!

My birthday weekend has finally come to an end and I am spending the day recovering in bed whilst I try and cram in the whole first series if 90210, one of my favourite birthday presents! This weekend has been lovely, going out with friends, drinking far too much and finally stopping my ongoing diet to enjoy two delicious meals out and the festivities don't end here, I am off to London with college on thursday which should be good, fingers crossed. Just a quick post as my battery is flashing and I really am too lazy to go plug in the charger. But before I go, and if my laptop doesn't die here are a few photos from my birthday...

Theres a drumming noise inside my head that starts when you're around

I have been waiting for something to sort of, stampede into my life and change the way I think. My general outlook on life and current mindset feels slightly skewed, I am bored, of almost everything and stupidly stressed about things that quite frankly aren't worth it, considering how short life can be and all that, a horrible thought at the best of times I find. I am hoping, fingers crossed, that this will be shifted slightly after Sunday, as it's my birthday and I am finally 18. I have been waiting for this eversince I first tasted alcohol so Monday night should be very interesting! But yes, I am sure this new found freedom will be entertaining for a few weeks but I have an inkling I will be back here in a month or so just as bored as I was beforehand hense the yearning for something pretty permanent to occur in my brain and have some sort of effect. I was discussing this with my friend earlier, we were sitting in her loft talking about the stresses of college, school, males, and we were both so unmotivated and just generally melancholy about life in general. I suggested we needed something dramatic but positive to happen to completely flip our current feelings and spur us on to greatness, however we unfortunately reached the conclusion these sorts of things only happen in movies, but I still have a slight bit of hope! I need a kick up the arse really, any takers?

I am like a child when it comes to male celebrities, I find just looking at the thousands of thumbnail sized photos on google fascinating! The way they are just so perfect compared to everyone else, and even though they are probably the biggest arseholes going you don't see past their perfectly formed facial features, for a second you are the shallowest you will ever be all because of one devilishly beautiful boy. My obsession often stems way beyond a search bar though, I've had Juno on repeat for the past four days. Mmm Paulie Bleeker (L).

"Maybe the reason it was so nice, was because it was the end"

I'm not really sure where to start, I have been wanting to write a blog for a while now, just to process thoughts and feelings, but kept putting it off, like I do with many things in life. Procrastination is fast becomming my best friend, but not a welcome one.
I expected to start this when my life was free of drama, when I was feeling no other emotion but complete and utter happiness and when I was rid of confusion and upset but it seems it has been the total opposite. Not to say I am miserable, far from it, but I am also not blissfully happy, but is anyone ever? I feel like I have been pretty close at times, if not there, but that was a while ago now, and it was helped by another person who I no longer have contact with, which is a good thing I think, we have to move on sometimes and discover a new kind of happiness, with new kinds of people and that's just what happened here, or rather what needs to happen, what will happen but these things take time. You could say I am in a slightly determined mood right now, or on the verge of one, after a long talk with my Mum later I should be fine, she always sorts me out good and proper! You see, a blast from the quite recent past made an appearance late last night, I think it had a positive impact, but I couldn't be too sure, I have no idea how I feel about it, hense why I need a mothers opinion, it was sort of an ending to a very long chapter, I think it is an end anyway, I often think it's the end and it never is, it hasn't been for the past three or so years, but with my own happiness in mind this time I think it probably should be.